Nope, these are not little fishies or smileys, it's part of my new alphabet =)
These days I'm reminded of my elementary school days when I carefully traced the dots guiding me to write the alphabet. I do remember being able to speak the language I was beginning to read and write though. These days, well with His grace I'm understanding this beautiful language I get to learn in my new home=). I have been trying to become more like a child, well more like a baby, trying to listen, understand, then reproduce the right sounds. I have to say, some days I am really good (saying a word here and there) and others I am WAY off and get a kick out of it. I use to get really frustrated trying to get ahead of myself but the more I screamed inside the more I realized I needed to become like a baby, not a child, a baby! So I'm embracing the ungraceful process of trying to speak in my new language.
So I am learning to be a better listener and observer. After all, that's what babies do, and when I have to, I make some sounds... well incomplete sentences or not even complete phrases. Definitely learning how He is using this language to humble me, minister to my life and a way to figure out the next step day by day or moment by moment =D. It's fun overall but quite frankly the last two weeks I was so discouraged. Today, I'm in exam mode so it's better than last week in that I'm not thinking about the discouragement, instead I'm on study mode and that's it.
But as I was talking to Dad last week (and since then) I have been led to make some changes and I'm excited about it. Nothing big, just a different routine that will expose me more to using my new language. During my talks about all this frustration and fun (I think that's somewhat a good picture of what goes on in me with language), I was reminded of an image I got before coming here and I wrote it on an email to a dear sweet friend:
Date: Thu, Jul 8, 2010 at 8:14 PM
So yesterday when I was pr-ying I got an image of, I think, me as a child learning to tie my shoelaces. And G0d was there with me. Later as I pr-yed I realized it was the Father. He was so patient, kind and gentle as he taught me the basics of tying my shoelace. He began to tell me that he is teaching me from the very basics... like he's trying to slow me down and just be in that moment of learning the basics of life, pr-yer, "work"....and whatever else, overall I felt like it was more about the spiritual world. I could see myself tying my shoe lace w/the Father, it was slow... like taking care of every detail. In my head I was like, but this is so simple of a task... and he said that in the simplest of tasks to just let Him teach me and guide me. Let him be the one behind it all from the initial thought to planning to its execution and through its completion He is in it, doing it with me. And so I just stayed w/the image a little longer so can go over it again and do with him. And I could see him holding my hands and fingers even from behind me. Taking his time, letting me know that I need to get back to the basics with him, in his understanding.
So I keep thinking back to it... and I think I'll keep getting more from it. I was just thinking... Hmmm, I'll just keep thinking....
It's sweet how He continues to speak to me through that image... and a few weeks back a friend shared about how we as vessels must empty of all things, go and be near the Source to be filled by, then as we collect from Him we are able to be poured out (There's more I can say but don't have the time... the sharing came from: 2 Corinth 2:14-4:7; Jer.12:13). This language learning is definitely pointing to all that I still need to empty out from my life. It's getting me to the basics according to His understanding. Thank the L0rd He is near me now and always!
Well gotta go back to studying, I have one more exam tomorrow!
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